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TO THE GLORY OF GOD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Study No. 4
TRAINING CHILDREN BY EXAMPLE
Scripture Reading: Deuteronomy 6
The goal of training children is to bring them to a level of maturity
whereby they might be able to make responsible decisions on their own,
resulting in responsible actions that reflect values and attitudes of
the parents.
1. What Does It Mean To "Train"?
Websters defines training as "guiding the growth of guiding the
mental, moral, etc., development of; to bring up; to rear; to
discipline or condition; to prepare to make fit."
Ephesians 6:4 says parents are to "bring (children) up in the
nurture and admonition of the Lord."
The phrase "bring...up..." means to "rear up to maturity; to
cherish or train." God wants us to bring our children to the
place of maturity through daily training.
2. Why Is It Necessary For Parents To Train Their Children?
a. Children are born with a nature inclined to sin. It is very
important for parents to "train" them to discern between right
and wrong and to prepare them for the new birth
experience (Psalm 51:5).
b. Children are born without knowledge. The principles and
concepts imparted to them from the youngest age will make up
their understanding and frame of reference. (Prov. 19:2)
c. Children are imitators. The lifestyle and habits of parents
will be transmitted to their children. (Ezek. 16:44)
d. Children are vulnerable. They need to be trained to beware of
the dangers of life (Matt. 10:16).
e. Children have unlimited potential. A well-trained, diciplined
person can achieve great success in life. God has a purpose and
a plan for your children that can only be fully realized as you
co-operate in training them.
f. Children are the carriers of culture. The Christian faith and
lifestyle is passed down through the generations as parents
train their children in the ways of the Lord (Psalm 78:4-8;
Psalm 145:4).
3. How Do Parents Train Their Children In The Ways Of The Lord?
The passage from Deuteronomy, chapter 6 (verses 5-7) gives us
clear insight into the methods of training our children.
a. "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God" - Parents themselves must
have a demonstrated love for God in every area of their
personal life.
* Heart
* Soul
* Might
b. "These words shall be in thine heart," - God's principles must
be a part of every parent's life. A father and a mother must
know God's Word personally and be able to share it. This
necessitates attending church, receiving teaching, reading and
studying the scriptures and applying God's principles daily.
c. "Thou shalt teach (these words) diligently unto thy children" -
it is a divinely established responsibility of parents to
constantly give positive scriptural input into the hearts and
minds of their children. Parents are to verbalize God's words
continually...
1. "When thou sittest in thine house"
2. "When thou walkest by the way"
3. "When thou liest down"
4. "When thou risest up"
It is obvious in this passage that the predominant means for
training up children in the ways of the Lord is the lifestyle
of the parents.
We can only train our children (whether directly or
inadvertently) to be what we already are. "Like begets like".
We are compelled to closely examine our lifestyle and consider
whether or not we are properly serving our children as adult
models of the Christian way of life. (Read 1 Cor. 4:16; 11:1; 1
Tim. 4:16; 2 Tim. 3:10)
TRAINING CHILDREN BY INSTRUCTION
Scripture Reading: Proverbs 1:1-19
Perhaps the most difficult area for parents to assume their
responsibility in raising their children is the area of instruction.
Feelings of inadequacy, misunderstanding or parental teaching
responsibility, over-dependency on educational institutions, and
improper values may all undermine a parent's sense of responsibility
for the life education of their children. Many parents feel that
living an exemplary life coupled with sending their children to the
right schools will ensure a good upbringing for their children.
However, though these are very important, nothing can replace in a
child's life the value of the personal instruction of their parents.
1. What Does It Mean To Instruct Our Children?
a. A dictionary definition of the word 'instruct', is "to teach,
train or educate; to give directions, or to inform". The word
teach means: "to show or help to learn how to do something, to
cause to know or understand."
b. The words used in Scripture for teaching or instruction mean
"to cause to understand; to admonish; to chasten; to reprove;
to warn; to restrain; to point out; to enlighten; to cause to
ascertain by seeing; to educate; to disciple; and to
indoctrinate."
c. As parents we are to give our children a basic life education
to prepare them for the responsibilities of adult life. We are
to personally impart to them what we have learned in life as
well as oversee their educational experiences.
2. What Does The Bible Say About Parental Instruction?
Deut. 4:1-40 Parental instruction is the key to the success of
the next generation. Parents are to teach their
children and grandchildren.
Deut. 6:7 Parents are to be diligent in teaching their
children the commandments of God.
Deut. 11:18-21 Parents are to be continually teaching their
children the Word of God.
Prov. 1:8 "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and
forsake not the law of thy mother."
Prov. 4:1 "Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father."
Prov. 13:1 "A wise son heareth his father's instruction."
Prov. 15:5 "A fool despiseth his father's instruction."
Prov. 19:27 "Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that
causet to err from the words of knowledge."
Prov. 23:22, 23 "Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and
despise not thy mother when she is old."
1 Cor. 4:14-21 Paul's role as a spiritual father included
instruction.
Eph. 6:4 Fathers are to raise their children in the nurture
(education) and admonition (confrontation) of the
Lord.
3. In What Are Parents To Instruct Their Children?
a. IN THE REALM OF KNOWLEDGE.
Parents are responsible to pass on to their children facts and
information in all the basic areas of life. This should
include areas such as natural life, spiritual life, people,
nature, communication, finances, social customs, etc.
b. IN THE REALM OF UNDERSTANDING.
Parents are responsible to impart insight into life to their
children. This would include explaining the reasons why things
happen and how things work.
c. IN THE REALM OF WISDOM.
Parents are responsible to develop in their children the
ability to make right decisions. This include developing skill
in various areas of life as well as learning how to use
knowledge rightly.
TRAINING CHILDREN THROUGH DISCIPLINE
Scripture Reading: Hebrews 12:1-29.
Parents are given a charge by God to train their children. Part of
that training involves the exercise of discipline. In order to
receive the desired results, however, we must be sure that we are
following the godly pattern.
1. Where Do We Have The Pattern For All Discipline?
God Himself as our Heavenly Father furnishes the best and primary
example of all discipline. (Deut. 8:5)
a. God chastens His children out of love. (Prov. 3:11-12; 13:24;
Rev. 3:19)
b. God chastens because He is faithful to us. (Ps. 119:75)
c. God chastens as a form of instruction. (Ps. 94:12)
d. God chastens but afterward re-establishes His love to us. (Job
5:18; Jer. 31:18-20; Ps. 89:32-33)
2. What Is The Purpose For The Father's Discipline?
God never disciplines His children to avenge or vindicate Himself.
He only disciplines for the good of His children.
a. To keep them from going astray. Ps. 119:67; Hos. 7:11-12; Jer.
10:23-24.
b. To keep them from the calamity of the wicked. Ps. 9:12; 1 Cor.
11:32.
c. To draw them closer to Himself. Isa. 26:16.
d. To make them wise. Prov. 22:15.
e. To bring them into the experience of life. Heb. 12:9.
f. To produce righteousness and holiness in them. Heb. 12:10-12;
Mal. 3:3).
g. To teach them the right ways of God. Ps. 119:71.
h. To produce greater fruitfulness in their lives. John 15:2.
3. Why Is The Disciplining Of Children Necessary?
a. Children are born in sin and naturally gravitate toward the
exercise of self-will. Ps. 51:5; Eph. 2:3; Prov. 22:15.
b. Children do not know that which is right. Jer. 10:23-24.
c. Children left to themselves will not fulfill God's purpose in
their lives but they will bring shame to their parents. Prov.
29:15.
d. Children who have learned through discipline to respond to the
authorities in their lives will also respond to the voice of
the Lord. Prov. 23:14.
4. What Is The Primary Cause For The Exercise Of Discipline?
Disobedience.
a. God brought discipline to his children when they failed to obey
His commands, statutes, precepts and ordinances (Is. 42:24-25;
Lev. 26:27-28). When we walk in a way contrary to God's
commands, we can expect to be chastened by him.
b. Parents of children are also to discipline for the primary
cause of disobedience (Eph. 6:1-3; Deut. 30:2; Col. 3:20).
* They are not to discipline out of personal frustration.
* They are not to discipline out of wrath or anger.
* They are not to discipline out of a personal discomfort
caused.
5. What Is To Be The Response To Godly Discipline?
It is possible to respond improperly to discipline. Parents can
respond improperly to the discipling of the Lord and children can
respond improperly to the discipline of their parents (Jer. 2:30;
Hag. 2:17; Prov. 15:10; Jer. 5:3).
If children, however, have a proper understanding of godly
discipline, they will:
a. Be happy (Job 5:17)
b. Not despise it (Heb. 12:5-6; Job 5:17-18)
c. Embrace it (Prov. 15:10)
d. Endure it and learn what they are to learn from it (Heb. 12:7)
e. Repent and turn with zeal to the ways of God (Rev. 3:19)
6. What Is The Godly Prescription For Disciplining In The Home?
a. Make sure that your discipline is motivated by love and concern
for the child.
b. Make sure that your discipline is administered with a view to
instruction and training your child in the right ways of God.
c. Make sure that you have laid the proper groundwork for
discipline. Before correcting a child, ask youself the
following questions:
1. Have I ever given them specific guidelines in this area?
Before we can discipline our children for wrong behaviour,
we must be sure that we have taught them what we expect.
They must have truth to draw upon. They must know what is
expected of them. God always gave instruction to His people
before He held them accountable.
2. Have I made my instructions clear and understandable to
their level?
When we give instructions to our children we cannot take for
granted that they know all the things that we know. We must
make sure that we show them exactly what we expect. We
must be careful to communicate it on their level, otherwise
their error may be a sin of ignorance. Have them repeat
your instructions to you, to make sure they understand.
3. Am I being reasonable in my request of them?
When parents ask their children to do things, many times
they expect things from their children that they are not
mature enough to handle. The child may respond by acting
silly or childish. Parents must be sure that their children
are able to handle their requests.
4. Have I been consistent in the treatment of this area?
If parents are inconsistent in their discipline in an area
the child will be insecure never knowing when the parent is
ready to back his word up with discipline. In this case the
child's disobedience may be the fault of the parent.
c. Make sure that you follow certain basic guidelines.
(It should be noted that many of these guidelines apply
specifically to small children, but the principles behind them
apply to all ages.)
1. Do not wait until a child's behaviour is wrong to teach
correct behaviour.
* If the parent has not taught truth all he can do is wait
until a wrong behaviour arises and react to that.
* A child learns security when he has basic truths to guide
him.
2. Be in agreement with your spouse before you discipline.
3. Never use humilation as a means of correction.
* Never embarrass a child by disciplining in public.
* Never call them names (stupid, nit-wit, brat, etc.)
* Never talk down to them.
* Never attack the child, attack the problem!
4. Teach them that "no" means "no".
* Don't continually warn them. At the most you should only
give one warning and that is in cases where they may not
have understood the command.
* Don't threaten your children, especially in regard to
things you have no intention of fulfilling (ie. ringing
neck, slap silly, etc.)
5. Never raise your voice in instruction or command.
6. Establish your child's personal responsibility. Have them
tell you what they did wrong.
* Don't ask, "Did you do that?" You will give them
opportunity to lie.
* Don't ask, "Why did you do that?" You will encourage them
to compose an excuse.
* Ask, What did you do that was wrong?"
7. Explain again to the child the reason for discipline.
8. Sit in silence a few moments before you correct for their
personal reflection.
9. Correct with a rod, a neutral object. Prov. 23:13.
* Never correct with you hand. Use your hands to show love.
* Never use the "eye for eye" method (ie. biting, pulling
hair, scratching, etc.)
10. Apply the board of education to the seat of knowledge.
* God has provided the perfect place for discipline to avoid
injury.
* Never slap in face, or on hands, or anywhere else on the
body.
11. Correct firmly and do not let their crying stop you. Prov.
20:30; 19:18.
* The child must associate wrong-doing with pain.
12. Do not over-correct - no more than is necessary.
* Hard spanking and consistency break the will, not the
length of the spanking.
13. Show love without nullifying discipline.
14. Do not degrade the child but encourage them in right
behaviour patterns.
15. Pray with your child and help them to pray for forgiveness.
16. If there is a need for restitution, have the child follow
through.
17. Be consistent!
END of STUDY FOUR
